Discover Top Posts Tagged with #hes in my head hes kinda cool i could handle him as a physical roommate | Tumgag (2024)

Cold Nights

Summary: Mattsun’s room is really, cold and all he wants is to be warm

Pairing: Matsukawa Issei x gn!reader

Warnings: none

Word Count: 996

A/N: Repost from old blog, it did kinda well which surprised me lmfao

Matsukawa sighs as he wraps himself further into his comforter. It's so f*cking cold, and he doesn't know why, but his body heat isn't enough alone. He tries not to move, keeping his body on the parts of the bed that are warm from his body heat. Sadly, because he had been staying in the same position, not a lot of the bed is warm.

He has on sweatpants, a hoodie, and some socks. He has the hood on his head, the strings pulled tight and tied at the bottom of his chin. And it's still too cold. He really should invest in a heated blanket like you have.

That thought immediately causes an idea to pop into his head, but he quickly pushes it away, physically shaking his head. No, he can't do that. He ignores the idea, burying himself further into his blankets as he curls into a ball. He's blowing hot air into his hands as he feels his nose starting to get cold.

This is the worst. He usually can sleep when it's cold, he actually prefers it, but this is too cold. This is ridiculous. When rubbing his hands together and blowing on them doesn't work, that idea pops into his head again as he starts to run out of options.

He could ask you if he could hop into bed with you. It wouldn't be weird, right? You both of pretty cool with each other considering you're roommates. You both have laid on each other before while watching TV on the couch, but cuddling in the bed? That's a whole nother ballpark.

He shakes his head again. You're probably sleeping, and he doesn't want to wake you. But he can't handle this anymore. He's pretty sure his junk is gonna freeze off.

After another five minutes of debating in his head as he feels himself getting colder, the idea wins out, and he's getting out of the bed, hissing at the cold air he can feel through his clothes before wrapping himself in his blanket and making the short trek to your room.

He debates knocking on the door, thinking that maybe it's a good idea to just go back to his room and suffer, but he's already here, and it doesn't hurt to try, right?

He lifts his fists, knocking softly on the door with his knuckle. After a little bit of silence, he hears shuffling coming from the other side of the door, and two seconds later, you're opening the door.

"Issei? What's wrong?" Your voice and face tell him that you were sleeping and now he feels bad. You're rubbing your bare arms, and he notices that you're only wearing a t-shirt and some shorts, and he's immediately jealous.

He sniffles before answering. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," he says, and you wave him off.

"No, it's okay. I was barely asleep anyway." You smile softly at the image in front of you. Mattsun with the blanket wrapped around his whole body and his hoodie scrunched up around his face. "You cold?" you quip, and he nods quickly.

"It's cold as sh*t in my room, and I don't know why," he grumbles before he sighs. He's so tired, and he just wants somewhere warm to go to sleep.

You chuckle as you gesture inside your room. "You can sleep with me tonight if you want," you offer, and he hadn't prepared for this. A part of him was hoping you would be asleep, he wasn't really expecting this.

"You don't mind?" he asks, and you yawn as you shake your head.

"You look dead tired. It's okay, come on." You grab his wrist, pulling him into your room and closing the door behind you. You crawl into bed, and he stands in front of your bed, watching as you scoot to the other side. "I don't bite, Issei," you joke before you're pulling his wrist again, and he finally moves, crawling into bed next to you.

When he gets under the heated blanket, he nearly moans at the heat coming from it, and he sighs happily as he snuggles further into your blankets, but he opens his eyes when he hears you laughing. "What?" he questions, and you shake your head.

"Nothing." You pull the blanket up to your chin, and you sigh before looking at him again. "Do you want me to turn the blanket heat up? I don't have it that high because I run hot."

He shakes his head. "No, I'm fine." You nod, closing your eyes.

"Goodnight, Issei," you say, your voice signaling that you're almost asleep.

"Goodnight," he responds softly, and he wants to close his eyes, but he's stuck on watching you. He's been this close to you before, but he's never actually watched you sleep. He's pretty sure it's weird, but he can't look away; you just look so peaceful. As he looks at you, his body still feels a little cold, like he needs something else, and he thinks about what you said.

"Hey," he whispers into the silence, and you respond with a hum. "I'm still cold." His response makes you smile slightly, and you open your eyes to see that his arms are open. "You said you ran hot." You chuckle at his sudden nervousness before you scoot your way over to him, putting your back against his chest.

He closes his blanket around you both before moving his hands under your shirt, nuzzling his nose in your neck, making you jump. "Jesus, your whole body is like ice," you comment, and you feel him smile against your neck.

"I told you. Sorry," he apologizes, pulling you closer to him as he curls himself further into you, sighing at the feeling of your body heat against him before he can stop himself.

"It's okay," you say, moving a hand up to intertwine your fingers with his freezing ones. "Sleep tight."

He falls asleep almost instantly.

Brightest Blue (series)

PART FIFTEEN (final chapter)

Pairing: Josh & female!ReaderWarnings: 18+ ONLY, sexual content, alcohol, feelingsSummary: Things are changing. New state. New school. New roommate. You just pray things are going to click into place.Notes: What an odd feeling this is. I love writing fics, but when you work so long and hard on something, it’s hard to let it go. I’m really pleased with how it turned out though, and I’m so incredibly grateful to everyone that read it and interacted with it. A big thank you to my editor,@lantern-inthenight​ for sticking with me through it, and thank you again to everyone on my taglist.

MASTERPOST

taglist: @valleyd0ll​ @satingrass-maidensfair​ @guitarfingers​ @thebohemianpenguin​ @peaceisouranthem​ @oblvions​ @hansonobsessed @myownparadise96​ @anditsmywholeheart​ @kill-fear-the-power-of-lies​ @bigblack-catattack​​ @dharma-divine​

There was a plant in the Kiszka house that you couldn’t stop looking at - you found yourself making your way to the kitchen, just so you could peek in on it. It was a Christmas cactus placed on the south-facing window sill above the sink, spilling out of the sides of its terra cotta pot in long tendrils.

Shapely, dark green, and perfectly healthy - it was the perfect metaphor for the household that loved it. The fuchsia pink buds on the tips of every trailing vine were promising to open every day since you’d arrived, and - perfectly on queue - the first one opened on Christmas Eve. It had been tightly closed when you greeted it in the morning as you sipped your cup of coffee, but by the time the family was snacking on a veggie tray and co*cktail weenies at lunchtime, it was fully open, facing the floor in a way that reminded you of a ballerina’s tutu.

“You like this thing, huh?” Josh had asked, audible to just you over the lively conversation and music filling the kitchen and dining room. He was standing closely behind your right shoulder, charmingly trying to get the same view of the cactus that you were - as if that could help him appreciate it better.

“Isn’t it lovely?” you replied, turning your head and realizing at the same time that you could kiss his cheek if you leaned in closer. The two of you shared a lingering look that you put an end to just before you could start feeling physically warm.

He hummed in consideration after a moment. “It’s pretty,” he agreed and then smiled weakly. “It kinda just looks like another plant to me though, if I’m being honest.”

You turned to face him then, giving him a warm look. “There’s a lot of beauty to be found in things that other people don’t know to consider. It gives you kind of a selfish satisfaction.”

The slightly suggestive tone you’d taken put a puzzled smile on his face. He gave you a look that somehow perfectly let you know that he’d be back to pry at the deeper meaning of this conversation later when you were alone.

“We got this for Christmas for my mom one year when we were little kids. Sam and Ronnie liked the color.” He smiled at it past your shoulder. “It used to be so tiny.”

It certainly wasn’t anymore. As a matter of fact, it was currently threatening to take over the whole sill - swallow up the little knick-knacks peppered around it.

“It’s really happy,” you agreed.

+++

Dinner that night was photo-worthy. Laid out on the table were dishes upon dishes of different comfort foods, each with its own oversized serving spoon. Jake had been trying to make homemade bread through the entirety of your time there - the first night was his very first time making it and it was a little raw, then the next night it seemed a little hard, then the next it looked a little overcooked and dense. Tonight, however, it looked worthy of a cooking magazine cover.

PERFECT BREAD ON THE SIXTH TRY! it would read triumphantly.

No one had a claim on any of the specific spots at the dining table, so it was free game - which was how you were able to finagle your way into sitting between Jake and Sam for that evening’s meal. You liked them a lot, for the record, but you had been thinking a lot about your earlier interaction with Josh, and that was the reason for your chosen position.

You wanted to stare at him without arousing suspicion - or rather, any more suspicion than was already present amongst the six of you.

He had given you a questioning look as he sat directly across the table from you, scooting his chair in until he could rest his elbows on the wood. You offered him a reassuring smile as you settled in, but secretly you reveling in the fact it’d seem awfully non-platonic if he questioned your choice out loud.

While you ate, he only caught you looking at him once, to which he responded by playfully poking his tongue out at you. Otherwise, you listened intently to a story that Sam was telling you about a fated time he found a designer jacket in a truck stop bathroom and it fit perfectly. You also chatted lightly with Jake - who was sitting to your right - about each of your classes and he graciously listened to you gripe at length about the weather and its lack of consistency, which was obviously very kind of him.

When dinner was over, the family changed into their pajamas before meeting in the living room with their wine to sit around the tree and open one present each of their choosing. It went around in a circle, starting with Josh who received a new cutting board and a set of knives that his mom jokingly assured him he couldn’t have until he was ready to go back to Ann Arbor. You were unabashedly visibly excited to be able to use a knife that could cut without having to use a sawing motion.

Jake had unknowingly chosen to open the present you got for him, which was a leather-bound journal and fountain pen that cost more than you wanted to admit but after you saw it at the store, you couldn’t stop thinking about it. You had felt incredibly cool while purchasing it, so in a way, it was kind of a gift for you too.

The gift you opened was a wool sweater from Josh’s parents and when you lovingly clutched the forest green fabric to your chest, it was a genuine gesture. You reminded them that they didn’t have to get you anything, but thanked them profusely when they informed you that you were being silly.

After the designated presents were opened, warm conversation was had as the Rudolph Christmas movie played quietly in the background. It was one of your holiday favorites though, so you probably paid more attention to it than the rest of the family.

Once 10 pm hit, there was a sharp rise in the frequency of yawns, and shortly after that people started turning in, one by one. Everyone was wished a good night, knowing that when they woke up again, it would be Christmas.

After Jake turned in around 11:30, you and Josh were the last ones standing - or sitting rather.

You were sitting next to each other on the sofa, about a foot apart because despite Jake having been privy to your relationship, it was just good practice when any member of his family was around.

As soon as Jake’s bedroom door was closed, Josh seemed to visibly relax his muscles, though his fingers still fidgeted with his jeans every few moments.

“Are you liking being home?” you asked and then took a sip of wine, already knowing what he was going to say.

He gave you a low, pained-sounding hum through a grimacing smile. “We should have just told my family what the nature of our relationship was - I don’t think I can handle not touching you much longer.”

“M’kay, couple things to address here,” you started through an amused smirk. “You were able to handle not touching me for months - I think you can handle literally one and a half more days. And two-”

He cut you off with a finger against your lips. “Yeah, but had I known you wanted me to, it would have made a lot of difference.”

You pressed a kiss to the digit before he quickly pulled it away with an accusatory squint in his eye.

“And secondly,” you tried again pointedly. “What would you have told them? ‘Hey guys, I have very very fuzzy boundaries with my roommate and that often results in us sleeping together, both literally and as a euphemism’?”

He shot you a teasing smirk. “Cute. You’re very cute,” he said sarcastically.

After a very long, comfortable silence, you spoke again, voice low and hushed. “So, can I scoot closer to you now?”

He looked over at you from out of the corner of his eye, still holding that smirk. “Please do.”

You shuffled until your thigh was touching his.

Of course, you had missed it right away, but you hadn’t really realized how much you’d missed being physically close to him until you caught the now-familiar scent of his cologne.

Another comfortable silence fell upon the room, quiet enough that all you could hear was the quiet crackling of the logs in the stone fireplace.

“Can I kiss you too?” you asked, looking over at him through the sheer curtain of your hair.

He looked like he was truly mulling it over as his eyes flicked down the hall to his siblings’ rooms, and then across the living room and up the set of stairs to his parents’ room. After a second, he let out a huff and said, “f*ck it.”

He reached over and tugged on your various limbs until you were sitting in his lap, face to face.

It had been so forbidden to you up until then, that when he leaned in and caught your lips, you let out a groan under your breath.

“I missed you,” he breathed, almost directly against your mouth. “I love knowing you in any aspect, but I’ve been burning for this.”

It made the heat rise to your cheeks, as well as your lap - but you couldn’t let him know he’d turned you on so easily, so you replied breathily with, “That’s an awfully fancy way of telling me you’re horny, babe.”

He was biting back a laugh for a split second before, grabbing your hips a little tighter to gain back what dominance you had borrowed from him with your teasing.

You pressed your luck. “Really, very eloquent.”

A look of contemplation flashed over his features as he was obviously deciding what to do next. He lifted you with little effort and then pressed you firmly backward until your shoulders hit the seat of the couch. Then he crawled over you and stared down into your eyes triumphantly.

“Aren’t you worried about someone coming out here?” you challenged through a grin.

He leaned in until he could drag his teeth across your cheekbone, making your skin prickle. “I don’t care anymore,” he replied, and then - in a show of brutal honesty - pressed his crotch against your hip and ground down just enough to show you how hard he was.

Your breath caught in your throat, and involuntarily, you bucked up against him.

You kissed him so forcefully that it was almost more like just mashing your mouths together for a long moment. His hand slipped down between your bodies until his fingers brushed over your navel, the ticklish feeling making the muscles jump under the touch. It was the anticipation of his next move that f*cked you up the most.

He was dragging his fingers lower, just about to dip under the band of your pajama pants when he seemed to have a moment of clarity and pulled his hand away altogether. You frowned at him, pushing your hips up to meet his hand instead, to which he responded by placing his palm on your stomach and pressing you back down with a laugh.

“Let’s go to my room,” he suggested.

“No, wait.” You gave him the softest eyes you could. “It’s so romantic out here right now - the lights on the tree, the fire, the soft couch. Would you just kiss me here for a bit?”

The look on his face could only be described as enamored. He stared at your face for a few long seconds before you finally asked if he was alright.

“I’m lucky to have you.”

He said it under his breath, so sincerely and honestly, that you weren’t sure how to respond until you could catch up with your thoughts. You cupped his jaw in your right palm, raking your fingers through his hair and he careened your touch in a way that had you feeling like a melting scoop of ice cream.

“You know, I sometimes think about how poorly the whole ‘moving across the country to a place you’ve never been for school’ thing could have gone. There were so many variables that had to click into place, and somehow I still ended up living with a person that,” You paused to brush your thumb against his cheekbone, hoping to portray your meaning through your touch. “Might be a literal angel.”

He raked his front teeth over his bottom lip subconsciously as he consumed the compliment. You could see his brain chewing it over as he snickered a laugh.

“Though, I think angels are supposed to deliver good tidings and not black eyes,” you teased.

You couldn’t name the look he adopted then, but it seemed somewhere between solemn and proud reminiscence. The frown forming on your features was not lost on him, and you quickly spoke before he could change the subject.

“What’s wrong?”

He hummed and met your eyes. “I never wanted you to find out about that,” he said like an admission.

“What do you mean?”

“There were a lot of things I did to get your attention, but that was completely reactionary. I’ve never been a violent person - well, to anyone but my siblings anyway-”

You huffed a laugh at him but nodded for him to continue.

“You were right,” He met your eyes with an intense sincerity. “I am a lover. Not a fighter.”

“I know,” you whispered as you brushed a stray curl from his forehead. “But you must have known I would find out, right?”

“I wasn’t thinking about that at the time, but yeah - in retrospect - of course, you’d find out. But I did it. I sought him out and it just-” He bit his lip for a second to take a pause. “I saw him and all I could think about was you crying on my shoulder that night.”

You didn’t say anything. You just let him gather his thoughts as the crackling of the fire served as a placeholder in his silence.

“He’s lucky he only got a black eye because I wanted to kill him for touching you.”

It was clear after a moment that he was waiting for you to respond, possibly even hoping for validation at such a vulnerable moment.

“If I’m being honest, Josh, I still can’t believe you could do that - I can’t even imagine you yelling at someone in a way that was anywhere near serious.”

He stared at you for a few long beats, and you watched the reflection of the Christmas lights twinkle like stars speckled over the dark canvas of his eyes.

“Yeah, well,” he started, just above a whisper. His brows were tipped into a look of contemplation - the spacing of his words making you think that he wasn’t sure how to proceed. “You do crazy things to protect the people you love.”

It wasn’t voluntary in any way when your breathing stopped, it just happened - like your lungs were locked up for a few long seconds as you waited for one of you to say something.

“You’re my best friend,” he said like a confession, looking more serious than you’d ever seen him. “And I love you.”

Undeniably, your face was peachy pink - you could feel it tingling warm. You weren’t sure what to do with your hands, but you knew you wanted to touch him. His skin tightened around his jaw when you ghosted your fingers over it.

“You love me?”

He nodded at you, a small but confident motion. “You fill a lot of different positions in my life. I’m not in love with you yet - I don’t think - but I want your permission to be.”

Without wasting another second, you caught his lips in an earnest kiss, your chest feeling like it might implode. It only lasted for a moment before he was pulling you back up until you were sitting in his lap.

“Was that romantic enough for you?” he asked, trying to shade his voice with humor but it came out sounding breathless instead.

“I literally can’t imagine anything more romantic,” you agreed with a weak laugh and then teased, “Unless you proposed. You’re not going to propose, are you?”

He adopted a disbelieving smirk. “Do you want me to? I’m sure I can fashion a ring out of something. Maybe there’s a co*ck ring joke in there somewhere-”

You rolled your eyes playfully and cut him off with, “Please shut up and take me to bed. Right now, okay?”

He ushered you off of him with a breathy laugh before gently nudging you in the general direction of his room. “Hurry along then.”

The two of you padded quietly down the hall, shutting the door without making a peep.

The only light in his room was what you could see of the Christmas lights that framed the front door, casting a white-gold glow over the setting.

When he laid you out over the bed, it was significantly gentler than you were expecting as was the kiss he placed - first on your cheek and then your jaw and down your neck to your throat.

His hands slipped under your pajama top, tugging lighting at the buttons on it from the inside and letting his fingers make the skin across your navel tighten. Instinctively, your fingers tangled into his hair, keeping him close enough that the pointed tip of his nose was resting on your sternum. The warm humidity of his breath hitting your skin was both calming and exciting at the same time in a way you couldn’t describe if you tried. His fingers worked to undo your top with relative ease, sliding it off of your chest after.

You eyed the way his bicep flexed as he held all of his weight on it, and wrapped your fingers around it to give it a squeeze. He reacted by dragging his teeth across your breast with just enough sting to make your hips lift off the bed. The way he sucked one of your nipples into his mouth and rolled it around with his tongue made you squirm, fingers flexing into his tense skin. A tingly, warm feeling set over you as you wrapped your legs around his hips and sat up to shrug your shirt off.

“I don’t think I’ll ever getused to this,” he stated simply as he ran his fingers down your bare chest.

You hummed at him through a smile, pinching his chin in your fingers and tilting his head up until he had to look you in the eyes. He gave you a grin as he bit his bottom lip and then leaned in to press a kiss against your cheek. In your heart, you knew the gesture had you blushing, but it was confirmed for you when he smugly rubbed his thumb across your cheekbone.

The chill in the room made your newly-naked skin prickle as he tossed your pajama pants to the floor, followed quickly by his own. With all of your clothing discarded into a pile, he pulled you up onto your knees, cupped both sides of your jaw with his hands, and tugged your face closer until your noses were touching. You listened to his shaky breathing for a moment before you dug your fingers into his hips, pulling him back over you as you laid out on the bed.

You knew your nails were digging into his skin - probably a little too deeply - as he pushed into you, one of his hands wrapped around your thigh to keep it hitched over his hip. This was confirmed for you when you heard him suck in a breath that sounded more like a hiss, though you got the feeling that he liked the sting of it.

Through the entirety of the time he was f*cking you, he barely pulled his body away from you at all, instead opting to just rock himself against you until you were near tears. The biggest challenge was barely making a sound as you reached your peak, your face buried in the humid crook of his neck and shoulder.

You weren’t positive how much time had passed, but as you laid together, post-org*sm, you realized just how exhausted you were.

Neither of you had said a word for quite a while, so it sounded too loud when you spoke into the dark room.

“Are you going back to the living room?” you whispered.

“Nah, f*ck it. I’m not going anywhere,” he replied, nuzzling the top of his nose into your hair as you laid, half on his bare chest. Just before you fell asleep you remembered the very first night you slept in his bed, and how much had changed since then - and how much had not really changed at all.

+++

You had meant to set an alarm - really. But you hadn’t gotten around to it the night before, which is why when you came stumbling out of the bedroom with Josh close behind you, you were met with a few pairs of eyes staring at you from the living room. Trying not to look like the most guilty human on earth, you ducked your head and quickly made your retreat to the bathroom. Neither of you said a word as you brushed your teeth together, sneaking playful glances at each other in the mirror.

By the time you had both showered - Josh first and then you second - and changed into your clothes for the day, it was 9:30. You both found the dining room table hosting his entire family and enough breakfast food piled on top of the worn wood to satisfy a small army.

The two spots that they saved for you were next to each other, so you settled in and tried to prepare for the most awkward meal of your life thus far.

“You almost made it to the end,” Jake quipped, apparently happy as hell to deliver the first blow.

You watched Josh’s eyes flick up at him, delivering him a chilly look.

“Okay, it wasn’t really a secret before, but it’s definitely not anymore,” Jake finished, rolling his eyes as the bowl of scrambled eggs was passed to him.

Josh poured himself a glass of orange juice and then gestured for your glass too. “If I were in the living room last night, Santa wouldn’t have come. Really, you have me to thank for the gifts you receive today.” He finished filling your glass and set the carton back down before continuing. “And I’ll take that thank you in the form of you shutting up and minding your own business.”

Jake snorted a laugh as he dished himself out some breakfast. He opened his mouth to tease Josh further, but when he looked up and met your eyes, he let the next remark die on his lips - instead just settling for a smug smirk.

No one mentioned anything else about it, but as the meal went on, you realized that you really had nothing to be ashamed of. You brushed your fingers against Josh’s under the table and then let him lace them together as his sister was telling a story about the best gift she’d ever received. You didn’t share a look with him, but you didn’t have to as his thumb swiped over the top of your hand, over and over.

After breakfast was eaten and presents were opened, Josh found you on your way out of the restroom and motioned for you to follow him to his room.

“I have something for you,” he started as he took your hand and sat you on the bed. You crossed your hands in your lap, settling into your spot with a smile. He closed the door behind him and then lifted the bag he’d packed from home onto the dresser.

He pulled out a little box like a magician would pull a rabbit from his hat, and then held it out for you to take.

“It really isn’t much, because we obviously don’t have a lot of money, but after what you did for Penny- Well. I wanted to do something meaningful too,” he explained sheepishly.

The box was wrapped in mint green foil and marked with your name on a brown paper tag.

You took a lot of care removing the wrapping, and gently opened the top of the box as you held his eyes.

Inside was a 4-inch terra cotta pot, decorated with delicately painted sunflowers on a white background.

“It’s obviously not perfect-” he started, but you didn’t let him finish before you set the pot on his bedspread and wrapped your arms around his neck.

“It’s perfect,” you stated simply.

+++

He slept with you again that night, this time sparing any sneaky behavior - and this time, when the two of you emerged from his room, no one even batted an eye. It took you only a few moments to pack your things up, but over an hour to say all of your goodbyes.

You watched as his mother hugged him again, just like she had when he’d arrived - tightly, like she could barely stand to let him leave. This time, she hugged you too, nearly just as warmly.

Josh helped you get your bags into the trunk of your car, being decidedly less gentle with Jake’s belongings, and the two of you crawled into the front seats as Jake was ribbing his much taller younger brother at the front door.

“Hey, I got you this. I looked it up on my phone and the wiki page said I could just rip it off, so I did,” he explained as he placed a long arm of the Christmas cactus into your lap.

You look at it for a long moment, your chest feeling tight.

He must have mistaken your silence for apprehension, because he continued on, letting a concerned tone shade his words. “It said it wouldn’t hurt the plant and that it would eventually just grow roots. Is that right? So you can have one of your own, you know? Since you liked it so much. You could even use the little pot.”

You let your eyes meet his as you tried to choke back the feeling in your throat that was threatening tears. Embarrassingly, your voice was a little shaky when you stated, “I love you too.”

He looked completely stunned, but he only had a moment to fix his expression before Jake was opening the back door and sliding effortlessly in.

“You guys good to go?” Jake asked as he leaned forward and snatched the aux cable from where it was rested on the center console.

You gave Josh an expectant smile, but when it was clear that he wasn’t going to respond, you leaned over and pressed a kiss against his lips, prompting him to say through a beaming grin,“Let’s go home.”

More Than Meets the Eye #29 - The One Where Everyone Gets Super Shiny

Our issue opens up with Swerve laying down the Story So Far in the Exposition Dimension.

Fantastic, you funky little man.

If Swerve looks like he’s been tossed through the car wash a few dozen times, it’s because this is where our new colorist comes in! Everyone, please say hello to Joana Lafuente- known for her love of gradients and attention to light sources, this actually isn’t the first time we’ve run into her. Lafuente worked on colors for several issues of The Transformers (2009), Last Stand of the Wreckers #3, and a few issues of MTMTE Season 1. However, she was matching the styles of her co-colorists on a majority of these, so we haven’t seen her style properly until now.

Getting into the story proper, Cyclonus is busying himself with staring out the window at a PNG of space, as he is wont to do, when he hears the tell-tale sound of tires squealing down the hall towards his room. Oh, goodness, whoever could that be?

Nearly forgot about him, didn’t you? Yeah, it’s a little difficult to follow up on things like a character’s recovery from a horrific disease when you’ve got comic event contract obligations to deal with.

After getting tackled by Tailgate, who reminds us all about the time he stuck his dirty little fingers into a dude’s brain meat, Cyclonus takes the little nerd on a walk through the ship.

You’re not going to convince me to reread “Dark Cybertron”. I don’t care how much of a marshmallow you are, it’s not happening.

They’re passed by Megatron and a bunch of crew members carrying that coffin we saw at the end of last issue down the corridor, Tailgate has a moment, and we get a taste of Cyclonus’ distaste for the Autobots as a whole. Tailgate is mildly offended by this, as he gropes his chest in distain, showing off his shiny new Autobot badge- a gift for not dying a terrible, gruesome death.

Good job, Tailgate. Proud of you.

They’re also passed by an absolutely blitzed Jackpot and Mainframe, the former singing Tailgate’s Tyrest-stopping praises as the latter carts him over to the Medibay to deal with the almost alcohol poisoning he’s got going on. Cyclonus remarks that Tailgate was missed, though Tailgate can’t help but wonder if that’s really true.

Y’all like slowburn romance, right? Because these two dumbasses have been roommates for two years, and we’ve just gotten to the point where physical contact can happen without one of them needing to be dying.

Anyway, it’s been a good day for Tailgate so far. Let’s hope it stays that way for the little dude.

...And that’s a series wrap on Tailgate! Let’s give him a hand, folks!

Hopping back in time to Megatron’s trial, things get underway, as Optimus Prime takes a nap in the judge’s bench as Gripper- whose name you don’t need to remember, as he’s not actually important- tells everyone about how brutal the Decepticon Justice Division is, even to Autobots. Which isn’t really supposed to be their deal, given their, y’know, name, but I suppose nobody’s perfect.

Up in the stands, in an… opera box, I guess? Rodimus is watching the proceedings, when Atomizer walks in. Which I guess you can just do in a Cybertronian court case. Sure.

Atomizer, in case you forgot, is the dude who has a bow and arrow, and used to be an interior designer.

Say, didn’t Whirl has a bow and arrow in the last issue when he attacked Megatron? Mighty curious, that.

Rodimus and Atomizer briefly reflect on the DJD, recalling the horror that was Vos- not that Vos, the other one. Rodimus would really just rather this all be over with so the Lost Light can get back to finding the Knights of Cybertron, and it’s at this point that Atomizer breaks out a thing he really ought not have- the count for the vote on whether or not Rodimus should stay on as captain. Rodimus doesn’t want to look at it, because it was supposed to be anonymous for a reason, and tells Atomizer to destroy the list entirely.

Hm, that’s not a terribly determined face there, Rodimus.

Back in the present, specifically in Swerve’s, Groove is threatening to break Streetwise’s arm, as we get the downlow on just what exactly our Legislator buddy’s deal is. Turn’s out, Swerve got one of the things reprogrammed, so that he follows not the Autobot Code, but something else entirely.

Hey, Swerve?

I don’t expect you to know this, because I don’t think you were present when they revealed this information to the readers, but… your new bouncer is made of people. He’s a dude made of other dudes, namely the Circle of Light. There’s a chance that you reprogrammed a sentient being, my good bitch.

Anyway, Swerve’s in a f*cking mood because his shoulder hurts, someone’s stealing his sh*t, and Megatron has joined the narrative. Over at a nearby table, Skids, Nautica, and Riptide take a gander at the tabloids. Trailcutter, who is positively smashed, to the point where he’s just leaking booze out of his face like it’s his job, isn’t terribly interested in that, however.

What an astute observation, Riptide. And people say you’re stupid!

Trailcutter wants to drink some more, because it’s very likely he’s got a problem, but the mention of “Megatron’s super fuel” makes him feel like it’s time to stop hounding Swerve and start performing crimes.

Back during the trial, we get to Starscream’s testimony. He’s wearing his crown. He’s acting like a self-righteous asshole, as he defends Megatron.

Well, “defend” in the technical, legal sense, I suppose.

But really it’s more about him insulting Megatron’s intelligence, strength, and courage, in front of a LOT of people, while also trying to make himself look better in the war crime department. Megatron doesn’t appreciate this very much, if his murder-face is anything to go by.

Megatron lets Ultra Magnus (his defender, if you’ll recall) know that he wants a private word, and court goes into a brief recess.

Back in the present, Nightbeat’s busy looking at a pin-up of Rung’s alt-mode, when someone knocks on his door. That someone is Chromedome, who’s trying to solve the mystery of The Missing Declaration of Love. Not that he says that specifically out loud.

You two were married, why- okay. No point in yelling at this digital copy of a comic book.

Anyway.

So, the whole screaming thing only happened the one time, and everything was back to normal on subsequent plays of Rewind’s message. Nightbeat seems to be leaning towards the depressive isolating getting to Chromedome, which Chromedome responds to by telling him to get the f*ck out. Alas, someone’s blocking the door!

YO WHAT THE f*ck-

Back with Trailcutter’s subplot, our drunken friend is in the middle of breaking into the Medibay. Our trio of cool-colored pals watch him from back at the bar, by way of a laptop that looks like it was built the same year I was born.

As Trailcutter attempts to commit a crime, Megatron, Ultra Magnus, and Ratchet pass by, trying to figure out how to handle the whole coffin situation. Trailcutter’s about to punch the locks off a door, and Nautica decides that this is where she’s going to draw the line today, leaving the gaggle of fools to their shenanigans. Then Tailgate glomps Skids, throwing the computer to the ground and breaking it, as Trailcutter finds the door to the Medibay magically open.

If you don’t know what glomping is, there’s a 60% chance that you’re not old enough to vote in the US.

Trailcutter sneaks into the Medibay, we get a reminder that Ambulon is super dead, and Trailcutter commits theft from a food bank. What a guy.

This is the point where security shows up, armed with a great deal of guns, one of which is Megatron himself. Trailcutter, instead of feeling super powerful, actually feels positively awful after consuming Megatron’s rations of “super fuel”. Because he, as an Autobot, doesn’t want to be within 50 yards of Megatron, Trailcutter breaks out the forcefields the moment the guy approaches him. And oh, what a doozy this one is.

Trailcutter’s gotten himself a fancy new trick- this forcefield he’s broken out lasts for a solid half-hour, and he can’t turn it off. I’m sure that won’t bite him in the ass at any point in the near future, no-siree!

Back in the past, Rattrap is commending Starscream on playing the field and getting the public slightly more on his side, but Starscream’s too busy patting himself on the back to really pay attention. He knew damn well that Megatron wouldn’t like what he had to say on the stand, and now things are finally looking up for ol’ Screamer.

Over with Optimus Prime, Slamdance is showing off how the general public is really into this whole “folks being held accountable for their actions” thing.

In the present, Chromedome and Nightbeat seem to have remembered they have alt-modes and are driving down the hall back to Nightbeat’s room- wonder what the speed limit for the Lost Light is?- and discuss just what the hell happened. The current theory is that the Rewind they saw was a Data Ghost- a collection of information so dense, it had a not-quite-physical presence that wasn’t 100% removed when he died.

Which is a little f*cked up, but let’s see where this goes.

Nightbeat undoes the 40,000 locks on his door while Chromedome bleeds guilt all over the shag carpet over the fact that he hasn’t been looking for Dominus Ambus like he said he would.

C’mon James, gimme that Chromedominus endgame.

Nightbeat finally opens the door to find a small problem.

Hm. That’s… not normal.

Over in the Medibay, Trailcutter’s bubble has burst, allowing Megatron to slap him in the back of the head. This head-slapping induces his FIM chip permanently, making it so that he can never get drunk again.

Weird party trick, Megatron. Kinda sh*tty, really.

Megatron then gives Trailcutter the job of director of security, because he needs direction in his life. Trailcutter just sort of takes what he’s given, because I suppose you can’t really argue with a guy who can literally slap you sober, and also threatens to destroy you if you f*ck up even once. Nice, Megs. Nice.

MEGATRON THAT’S BEEN SITTING LIKE THAT FOR OVER HALF AN HOUR YOU f*ckING WET NOODLE

So, since there’s mystery juice all over the floor and no one’s died, Megatron assumes that the coffin ought to be fine to crack open.

Please note that Megatron is not a medical professional, and his views are now peer reviewed by medical professionals. Megatron is in no way endorsed by the WHO.

Anyway, Rodimus is in there.

Pretty f*cked up.

Back in the past, recess is over, and Ultra Magnus comes bearing bad news- Megatron wants to change his plea to “innocent.” This gets about the reaction one would expect from just about anyone.

Well, except Rodimus, who’s too busy reading that list that he wanted destroyed. He’s very sad about it.

I know, what a bummer!

2 but with yours and megs graphic novel bc I wanna clown again

2. give short descriptions of all the main characters for [WIP].

i love you for this but there’s...a lot of them. this will be long. i have pinterest boards.

Meg:

- love of my life. light of my world. bastard woman. she’s a demon, she’s Eliot’s gf (read: the only woman he will ever love), she has super sexy magic and she’s badass and she loves her friends so much she doesn’t even know how to handle it!! she’s not big on showing her affection in super obvious ways, but it’s in the little things. she knows their coffee orders, she remembers their fav movies, she orders an extra egg roll for Parker when they get takeout bc otherwise he’ll steal hers. you know how it is

https://www.pinterest.ca/nymikaarts/meg/

Eliot:

- this motherf*cker is my boyyyy i love him. i love him so much. he’s a vampire, he’s Meg’s bf, he’s a little stressed a little depressed but he’s handling it!! he’s Parker’s best friend, ride or die for real,,, he loves leather jackets and he’s the dad friend and he Really Just Wants His Friends to Stop Dying, Okay? he’s also bisexual bc that’s very sexy if i do say so myself

https://www.pinterest.ca/nymikaarts/eliot/

Parker:

- an absolute fool of a man!! he’s goofy and rides a skateboard and can be kind of a dumbass in the“i didn’t think this plan of action through” kind of way, but it’s cool. he hasn’t died yet. he skateboards and he’s one of (3) cishet people in this story which i think is hilarious :) he’s the reckless-and-brave type, the jump-headfirst-without-thinking type, and if Eliot could physically age he would have gone grey by now over the stunts this idiot pulls sometimes honestly

https://www.pinterest.ca/beckytarasick/parker/

Nearly:

- technically his full name is Nearly-Never but he’s just Nearly tbh. he’s a baby but also a little sh*t and i love that for him personally :) he’s Meg’s adopted little brother, also a demon. he’s a thief and a pacifist and an unlabeled“i don’t swing” type of kid who is smart but a little naïve sometimes, and gets in over his own head. he and Parker become fast friends when they meet and the chaotic energy of the two of them...unparalleled

https://www.pinterest.ca/beckytarasick/nearly-never/

Theo:

- This Is My Son. My Love. My Baby. he’s bisexual and a witch and a very soft little man who just wants to love his friends and make fun of Felix,,, he’s a lil depressed but surviving, you know how it is. maybe this is projection. what about it. he dresses like a bisexual hipster obviously and he’s 100% in love with Felix, his best friend, so the pining is Exceptional :) he also has a cat who he names Felix for the aforementioned“making fun of Felix” reasons

https://www.pinterest.ca/beckytarasick/theo/

Felix:

- the sexiest man alive. i’m only kidding a little bit. also a witch, taller than Theo bc we love a height difference, lots of tattoos, a gay disaster but he dresses to impress!! he’s bffs with Theo and Dani, they’re roommates for uni in a lil townhouse (and they were roommates...) he’s got daddy issues but he’s dealing with ‘em, for Plot Reasons, and he’s a dramatic bitch but we love him for it

https://www.pinterest.ca/beckytarasick/felix/

Dani:

- a sweet child, sunflower girl,,, a witch, she’s a little obsessed with plants and hates wearing shoes unless absolutely required to. she works in a flower shop, lives with Theo and Felix, and she’s asexual!! she and Nearly will be getting along famously after they meet lmao cuz she’s the kind of character who can be passive and chill and sweet until you f*ck with her friends family and then she’s going to end your entire career

https://www.pinterest.ca/beckytarasick/dani/

Shelley:

- my wife’s a bitch and i love her so much!!! she’s hot and she knows it, pink is her colour, she will Cut A Bitch but she’s also the kindest woman you’ll ever meet tbh. again, a witch, Ezra is her bf and they’re perfect for each other, she’s loud and rowdy and fun and she doesn’t take any sh*t. she and Ezra live next door to the other three!!

https://www.pinterest.ca/beckytarasick/shelley/

Ezra:

- very tall but very quiet. kinda the opposite of Shelley? he’s a great cook and his love language is feeding his friends lmao so they always got smthn tasty cooking in that kitchen :) he’s also a witch with a focus on teleportation magic, and his arms are Big And Strong For Hugging :))

https://www.pinterest.ca/beckytarasick/ezra/

this is way longer than it should have been for“short” descriptions aksjnf but anyway. ily

7 PLEASE!!!!!

things you said while we were driving

👌👌👌

___

“Did you know that people like to talk about serious things during car journeys a lot?” Eijirou said, watching Bakugou from the corner of his eye. The blond didn’t take his own eyes off the road. “Something about the liminal nature of the car journey makes it seem like a safer time to open up about stuff. The conversation doesn’t exist in a physical place but no one can just walk away from it.”

“Liminal,” Bakugou snorted. “You sound like Kaminari.”

“Maybe I heard it from him,” Eijirou said.

Silence rolled around Bakugou’s car for a few moments.

“So, you got a serious thing you only want to talk about in a car?” Bakugou asked.

Eijirou fidgeted in his seat.

“Maybe,” he said, slowly. “Kinda.”

“Well- f*cking bastard use your indicators what the f*ck- I’m all ears if you do wanna-”

“I’m gay.”

Eijirou bit his lip. sh*t, he hadn’t meant to just blurt that out. His heart was pounding, he didn’t want his best friend to freak out or-

“Okay,” Bakugou said.

Huh. Eijirou turned to look at Bakugou properly. “Okay?”

“Uh, thanks for trusting me, I guess?” Bakugou said, glancing at Eijirou before turning back to the road. “I don’t know what the f*ck you’re supposed to say about this stuff. Er, I support you? That sh*t.”

“Oh, thank you!”

Well, that had gone better than expected. A little awkward, maybe, but Bakugou definitely wasn’t freaking out. They were still friends. All was well. At least Eijirou hadn’t mentioned the enormous crush he’d had on the blond since like, forever.

Bakugou coughed. “So, I’m not exactly straight either.”

“Oh. Oh! I mean, uh, cool?” Eijirou said. “Or, thanks? You’re right, it is hard to know what to say.”

Bakugou snorted. “Yeah.”

“I support you, too.”

“You not gonna ask what I am, then?” Bakugou asked, looking over at Eijirou as they pulled up at a red light.

“That’s up to you,” Eijirou said. “I wouldn’t wanna, like, pressure you into telling me stuff that you don’t wanna tell me.”

“f*cking hell, Kirishima, you’re my best friend,” Bakugou said, the car jumping forwards as the light dropped back down to green. “What wouldn’t I want to tell you?”

Eijirou blinked. “Uh.”

“I’m ace,” Bakugou said. “Maybe aro too? Or something along that spectrum. I dunno. It’s weird.”

Well that was- Huh. Eijirou nodded. “Alright.”

“Ugh, that’s enough ‘serious’ sh*t for one drive,” Bakugou said, voice gruff.

Eijirou couldn’t help but agree.

___

“Stay in the f*ckin’ lines!” Bakugou hissed.

“I am in the lines,” Eijirou shot back, steering the car around the corner. “Like, distinctly within them!”

“Then slow d- sh*t!” Bakugou scrabbled for the handle thing on the car’s ceiling. So dramatic.

Eijirou shook his head. “Dude, you’re really bad at being a passenger.”

“f*ck you!”

“Bro, I’m sticking to the speed limit, im in all the right lanes,” Eijirou said. “I’m driving fine, you’re just a control freak.”

“When we get to the stupid restaurant after the thing,” Bakugou said, pressing himself back into the seat. “I’m gonna disembowel you.”

“That might make it hard for me to eat anything.”

Bakugou grumbled to himself and swore again when Eijirou braked for another car pulling off to a side road.

“What, you wanted me to run into his back?” Eijirou asked.

“No, you moron! You’re just braking too hard!” Bakugou snapped.

Eijirou rolled his eyes. “The interview is gonna go fine, man, you don’t need to drag me into your panic spiral.”

“Oh yeah, coming from the most sociable guy in the world that really means a lot,” Bakugou grouched. Wow, he was really turning up his Absolute Dick levels today, huh? “And I’m not panicking, dipsh*t. I just don’t want you to total my car.”

“Mmhm, sure,” Eijirou said.

“Don’t ‘mmhm sure’ me, asshole,” Bakugou said. Eijirou was sure his friend would be scowling fiercely at him but he knew if he took his eyes off the road to check he’d get yelled at even more. “I know where you live.”

“I know where you live,” Eijirou said. Just a few steps down the hallway from his own room, to the left. “Oh, speaking of, I think the front door needs oiling.”

“What, again?” Bakugou huffed. “I swear there must be someone with a rust quirk or some sh*t targeting our- Hey! Don’t f*ckin’ distract me.”

Eijirou sighed. “Damn, and it very nearly worked.”

“f*ckin’, freeloading piece of- Ugh,” Bakugou growled. Real pleasant today, huh?

“Freeloading? Dude, I’m paying for the fuel to get you to this thing, and I’m paying for our meal afterwards,” Eijirou said. “That’s like the opposite of freeloading. If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”

Bakugou groaned like the over-theatrical diva he was. “Don’t use that f*cking baby sh*t on me.”

“Don’t get so f*cking snippy, then,” Eijirou barked.

Bakugou fell silent at that, and they drove on in uncomfortable quiet.

“Sorry,” Bakugou muttered after a few minutes. “I am panicking.”

“You know you don’t have to do this,” Eijirou said.

“You know it’s like- It’s f*ckin’, solidarity or whatever,” Bakugou said, voiced toned down.

Eijirou grinned. “Yeah.”

“Hey, you remember your weird ‘serious car talk’ thing from a couple months ago?” Bakugou asked.

Eijirou nodded.

“That was kinda the first time I told anyone,” Bakugou said. “Now I’m telling the whole f*ckin’ world.”

“You know what that is? Growth.”

Bakugou snorted. “Man, shut up.”

“Seriously, dude, I’m proud of you for doing this,” Eijirou said, chancing a glance at his friend. Bakugou was looking away out of the side window and the tips of his ears were pink. Eijirou lookedback at the road. “Did you pin down anything more specific than aspec, or…?”

“Demi. Uh, demiromantic demisexual,” Bakugou said.

“Yeah?”

“Pretty sure, yeah,” Bakugou said.

Oh. Well. There were potentially some pretty big implications with that, weren’t there? Not that Eijirou really wanted to assume, but… He wanted to assume. If Bakugou was attracted to someone close to him, there wasn’t really anyone closer than Eijirou, right?

“Nice,” Eijirou said. It probably wasn’t the right time to say anything right now. Maybe at the restaurant? Or on the drive home? “It’s- I’m glad that you know who you are, Bakugou.”

Bakugou snorted. “Alright, that’s enough serious talk.”

“Too right,” Eijirou said, pulling into the car park outside the building Bakugou was having his interview in. “You’re gonna do great, man.”

___

“Hey,” Bakugou rolled the window down to scrutinise him. “You look like sh*t.”

Eijirou didn’t doubt it. Set him up against a villain or a point him at a civilian in need and he’d come out of work at the end of the day a little tired but fulfilled.

Present him with a stack of paperwork? Beaurocracy was the true villain.

“One of those days, I had to do maths,” Eijirou sighed, moving around to the other side of the car to get into it. He slumped down into the seat and closed his eyes. Bakugou called him a baby for complaining about it sometimes, but that was probably fair.

“Seatbelt.”

“I’m like, the one person who’d survive going through the windshield.”

“Yeah? And I don’t want your spiky ass smashing through my windshield, thanks. It’s also the law. Seatbelt or we’re not moving.”

Eijirou cracked his eyes open to put the seatbelt on with a huff and a groan. “Fine, fine, I’m ready for your magical mystery tour now. You gonna tell me where we’re going yet?”

“Nope.”

“I just wanna know if I have to socialise with people,” Eijirou said. “If it’s like, a party? I might just stay in the car, take a nap on the back- Bakugou why is my suitcase on the back seat?”

Eijirou stared at it. Definitely his - it was a pretty distinctive shade of red. Bakugou laughed from the driver’s seat.

“You think I’d willingly go to a party, Kirishima?” Bakugou asked. Well, no, that wasn’t exactly Bakugou’s style. Eijirou watched Bakugou put his car into first and frowned to himself.

“Are you kicking me out of the apartment?” Eijirou asked. He didn’t think it was very likely, because if Bakugou had any issues with him as a roommate then he’d definitely have brought them up before now.

Bakugou shook his head. “What the f*ck? No. My stuff is in the boot.”

“So… We’re going somewhere?” Eijirou frowned some more. “For how long? Wait, what about the agency?”

“Two weeks, and I cleared this time for us ages ago,” Bakugou said.

“You did?”

Bakugou nodded.

Huh. Eijirou hadn’t seen it on the calendar - had Bakugou purposefully kept this a secret? A… holiday? For the pair of them? Eijirou could feel his heartbeat pick up a little.

There weren’t many things in life that Eijirou regretted, but falling asleep in the car on the way back from the restaurant after Bakugou’s coming-out interview was on that list. It sort of felt like he’d missed his chance to ask Bakugou out.

He’d been dithering over trying again ever since. A holiday, though, that was- It could be the perfect time to say something.

“Okay.”

“That’s it?” Bakugou asked. “Okay? No wheedling away trying to convince me to spill?”

Eijirou grinned. “Nope.”

“You don’t even know if we’re driving there or taking a plane,” Bakugou said. “You’re normally infuriatingly curious.”

“Oh I know we’re not gonna take a plane, you’d be way more stressed,” Eijirou said.

Bakugou grumbled under his breath.

Eijirou snickered behind one of his hands. “Besides, I trust you, man. You’re not gonna go anywhere we’d hate so I’m happy to wait for the surprise!”

“That’s sappy, f*ck off,” Bakugou complained, but Eijirou could see the tips of his ears turn pink. It made all the butterflies in Eijirou’s stomach go wild.

“I’m always sappy,” Eijirou said, watching the side of Bakugou’s handsome face.

Bakugou flicked a glance at him. “I guess I don’t hate it.”

“Ha, high praise indeed!” Eijirou grinned and closed his eyes. He probably needed that nap, anyway, and-

“I like you.”

Eijirou’s eyes snapped open. “What?”

Bakugou’s shoulders were hunched up, his ears had changed from pink to bright red, and he was biting his lip as if he hadn’t intended to say that.

“You heard me.”

“I did, uh,” Eijirou floundered for a moment. “Good. Great! Same here! I mean, I like you, too, not that I like me. Uh, not that I don’t like me, but I don’t like me in the way that I-”

“Kirishima,” Bakugou said, voice warm, and Eijirou’s jaw clacked closed at high speed.

“It should probably be Eijirou,” Eijirou said, watching Bakugou’s shoulders relax.

“Eijirou,” Bakugou said. Or Katsuki, maybe? Whatever, it sent shivers down Eijirou’s spine either way. “Date me.”

Eijirou laughed. “Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Best serious-talk ever.”

Katsuki was grinning now, too. “When we reach where we’re going I’m gonna wanna kiss you.”

“Oh yeah?” Eijirou asked, tilting his head.“Funny coincidence - I’m gonna wanna kiss you back.”

___

“Can I serious-talk?”

“Ugh, fine.”

“Just wanted to tell you that I love you.”

“Again? Wow. Gross.”

“Katsuki!”

“Heh, you know I love you too, Eijirou.”

Sunlight

Welcome to the second day of my 500 Followers JGCU Write Fest!!! I figured after yesterday’s angst with Loki’s JGCU Backstory we could do with some nice fluff - plus I never really expanded on the background between Jake and the reader within the Multiverse other than the bare bones of the story! So I hope you guys enjoy this! Please remember to let me know what you think - send in some concepts (or Romcomcepts as they’re called on here when regarding Jake x Reader) and even some blurb/headcannon requests! I love you all!!!

“Hey - Y/N, right?” The girl looked up from her notepad and smiled warmly at Jake.

“Yeah! And you’re...” Y/N trailed off, her face slightly scrunched up as she tried to recall his name.“Jake!” She exclaimed in triumph and Jake chuckled, nodding as he felt his cheeks blush a little hearing his name falling from her lips.

“That’s me,” he confirmed.“I didn’t know you worked here?”

“First week,” she admitted, shrugging.“Do you... live around here or something?” She asked and Jake nodded, unable to take his eyes off of the waitress.

“Just down the road, actually.” He clarified when her eyebrows raised just a tad and he realised that he hadn’t actually responded to her with anything other than a single nod.

“Oh, that’s cool!” Y/N told him.“Can I get your order?” Jake felt his cheeks heat up and he nodded immediately.

“Yeah, of course - sorry. Just a latte please,” there was a warm smile on Y/N’s face as she wrote down his order and turned away back to the counter.

Jake sunk down on his chair and groaned quietly under his breath, silently beating himself up for his awkwardness when talking to the pretty girl he had been unable to get out of his head since running into her and Donnie on various occasions.

He shook his head at himself in despair and lent down to pick up his bag, pulling out his messy notes from the lecture he had just left along with some more paper, preparing himself to neatly write up his notes.

Jake let out a heavy sigh and brought out his phone, plugging his headphones in and pressing shuffle on his music before beginning to write.

He was so distracted by his work that he didn’t realise that Y/N had returned with his order until the coffee was placed on the table in front of him. He looked up at her, seeing her grin making him do the same.

“Here,” she placed down a piece of cake in front of him and Jake looked between the cake and her in confusion.

“I didn’t order that,” he pointed out and Y/N rolled her eyes playfully.

“I know you didn’t - you just looked like you needed it.”

“Is that so?” Jake chuckled and Y/N nodded.

“I saw you pull out that uni stuff and I felt physical pain for you,” Jake burst out laughing, rolling his eyes at her.

“You wait until this time next year and you’ll have equal amounts of work to do,” Y/N crinkled her nose.

“Ugh, don’t start me thinking about next year when I’m actually going to have to start doing work.”

///

Jake had to admit that since he had found out that Y/N worked at the cafe he had become much more of a regular than he had previously been. Sure, the cafe wasn’t all that far away from his home but it definitely wasn’t the closest one to either his apartment or where he had his lectures.

Which was why David was so justified in his groaning when Jake insisted on them going to that cafe on their way home rather than the Starbucks that was so much closer.

“Come on, Jake, I just want to get home - I have so much work to do,” David groaned, his head lolling back.

“You were the one who said you wanted a coffee,” Jake pointed out, shrugging.

“I thought we’d just go to Starbucks seeing as it’s literally down the road from therapy,” David complained.

“Well we’re here now, dude, so stop complaining.”

“You’re so annoying,” David told him, fixing him with an unimpressed look and Jake shrugged.

“Ask Loki to take you to therapy next time,” David stuck his tongue out at Jake in response, slouching down slightly in his chair.

Jake’s heart clenched just a little when he saw his friend shrink away further into the corner when Y/N walked up, ready to take their order with a smile on her face.

“Hey Jake!” She greeted before looking to David with the smile that set butterflies off in his stomach.

“Hey, Y/N,” Jake put all his effort into ensuring he didn’t stutter over his words.“This is one of my roommates, David,” he introduced.

“Hey David, it’s nice to meet you - you’re the medic right?” David responded to her questioning with a tiny smile and a slight raise of his hand, which shook just a little as he swallowed and nodded.

“That’s me,” he agreed, his voice slightly hoarse.

“Just the usual?” Y/N questioned, looking back to Jake, who nodded.

“And a decaf for David,” he added and David scowled at him from across the table as Y/N scribbled down the order and walked off.

“That’s such bullsh*t,” he scoffed.“I don’t need decaf.”

“Dude your therapist told me not to let you have caffeine anymore,” Jake pointed out and David rolled his eyes.

“Whatever - at least I now know why you were so insistent on coming here,” David claimed with a devious smile.

“Is that right?”

“Yeah - you fancy the waitress girl,” Jake opened his mouth to protest but David shook his head, holding up his hand.“Please, Jake, you were practically drooling when she was over here.”

///

“I didn’t take you for a theatre kid,” Jake’s head shot up at her voice and his cheeks instinctively tinged red at Y/N’s presence, a cheeky grin on her face as she stood in front of the stall.

“What can I say? I’m full of surprises,” he teased, standing back from the sign up list and folding his arms a little, grinning at her.

Y/N stepped closer to the stall, looking at the photographs and leaflets in interest.

“So you like... run this thing?” She asked and Jake nodded.

“Kinda - Quentin’s really in charge but he... kinda sucks at the whole‘organisation’ part of it so it tends to get passed along to me,” he told her, shrugging.

“Where’s he at today?”

“He’s around... somewhere,” Jake chuckled, looking for his friend.“Probably talking to Morf.”

“Morf?” Y/N questioned, her eyebrows raising a little.“Is that the dude who runs LGBT soc?”

“Yeah - and Fine Art,” Jake confirmed.

“He tried to convince Rob that he was gay,” Y/N stated, her grin widening.

“What?”

“Rob signed up for Fine Art society and that dude told him he should also sign up for LGBT soc because he was clearly a closet gay,” Jake burst out laughing, shaking his head.

“That does sound like Morf,” he admitted.“He’s convinced all of us are closet gays, though - he took Q to a male strip club once in their first year because he was so convinced Q was gay,” Y/N threw her head back laughing at his story.

“You definitely know some interesting people, Mr Gyllenhaal,” she teased.

“I’m not sure that‘interesting’ quite covers Q and Morf, to be honest,” he sighed.

“Unless interesting covers‘catastrophe-inducing’” Anthony commented, walking over to where the two of them were talking, a sly smile on his face that Jake knew too well from nights out with him.“I’m Anthony - Anthony Bell-Claire.”

“Y/N,” the woman nodded back to him, looking a little awkwardly between Jake and Anthony.

“I think you’d make a wonderful leading lady, may I say.”

“Oh - I’m not... I’m not signing up I was just... talking to Jake,” Y/N told him immediately and Jake smiled softly at her, catching her eye.

“Right...” Anthony’s smile got slightly more knowing and he looked between the two of them.“Gotcha,” he winked at Jake.“Hey, if you want someone to show you around the Freshers Faire then I’m sure Jake here can spare ten minutes of his time?” He offered and Jake’s eyes widened a little.

“I don’t want to inconvenience anyone,” Y/N promised with a smile, though Jake could have sworn he could see her face lift a little in hope.

“Not at all - I can handle the stall for a little bit,” Anthony promised.

///

“You look really pretty tonight!” Jake was shouting to be heard above the music as he danced with Y/N, whose smile widened at the compliment, though her eyes were hazy from the amount of alcohol she had already consumed at the party that night.“You look really pretty every night, though!” He added and he could see Y/N’s mouth open in laughter.

He wasn’t sure if the slight blush on her cheeks was as a result of his compliment or from the beer pumping through her body.

“I thought I should start making an effort - I don’t want to end up in Morf’s column,” she reached up towards him so that their faces were pressed together to make sure that Jake could hear her.

He started to laugh at her, shaking his head, his heart beating fast at the close proximity between them.

“You never look anything short of perfect - even Morf could never find anything bad to say about you!” He swore.

Y/N pulled back from him, biting her lip.

“How are you still single?” She questioned.“There’s got to be something wrong with you!” She insisted.

“No - I’m completely perfect so girls are just too intimidated by me to want to stay with me!” Jake insisted, leaning down to repeat himself to her when she looked at him in confusion.

“I’m starting to think that’s true, you know,” she retorted.

The song ended and a slower one began. Just as Y/N was about to move away from the dance floor to find herself another drink, Jake tugged on her wrist to make her turn back towards him.

“One more dance?” He requested hopefully.

“I was hoping you’d ask.”

///

No sight had ever been quite so beautiful to Jake.

He couldn’t even pay attention to the pain throbbing through his head as he looked at the woman sleeping on his chest, curled up into him, completely bare.

His fingers combed through her hair which was messy both from sleep and from the activities of the night before.

Sunlight was streaming through the slight crack in the curtains and Jake thought it made her look ethereal.

In a way he almost dreaded her waking up. He wanted to stay like this, with her in his arms, forever. He never wanted the night to end.

He had to admit that there was a part of him that was afraid that she would wake up and be disgusted to find herself in his arms, to realise what she had done last night.

But then again, he was sure that there had been little signals that she liked him back.

“Jake?” The word was mumbled into his skin and Jake tensed up at it, worried by what would follow.

“Morning,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss her hair, worried that it may be his only chance to do so.

“Can you do me a favour?” Y/N requested. Jake’s heart rate increased, worrying over what it may end up being.

“Anything,” he sighed.

“Close the curtain a bit more?” She mumbled. But as he tried to move away from her to close the curtain and cover up the sunlight Y/N whined, gripping onto him tighter.

“You wanted me to go.” He pointed out.

“Didn’t realise you’d have to move to do it,” she huffed.“I’ve changed my mind - stay with me.”

Jake’s heart soared as he heard the affection, clear as day in her voice.

“Always.”

Soooo... She’s Gone

Ladies, I have one more chapter of this story and I’m gonna wrap it up. Thanks for reading, but I intended this joint to be a one shot and I don’t want to drag it out further than the next chapter. I honestly just wouldn’t know where to go next. I appreciate all of the feedback and the support, Loves.

Soooo… She’s Gone

The day that Henry was dreading was finally there. They had a wonderful prom. They had a graduation that Charlotte didn’t want to give a speech at, because she hated public speaking with a passion, but had to for the sake of tradition. She started kinda miserably, (because she kept stumbling over her words and forgetting the speech that she spent weeks memorizing and had recited the night before, flawlessly in front of a bed full of stuffed animals). But, a room full of peers, teachers, and parents was far different. It wasn’t until Henry cheered from his seat, “Give it to ‘em, Char!” That she finally snapped back into her confidence and found her voice and her words. They had several kickass graduation parties and an awesome summer. They were together virtually nonstop. His parents didn’t mind that she spent nights, so long as they weren’t too loud and as long as they were responsible and safe. Her parents were a little bit more hesitant about that, but let her know that they trusted her to be smart. (Of course they did. They always trusted her).

Now, she was getting ready to get on a plane and wouldn’t be back for months. He’d be naive to think that wouldn’t affect them. That wasn’t what he thought at all when he fought off tears as she cried onto his plaid and wondered why he wouldn’t talk to her about this day before now? “I didn’t wanna ruin the time we had left.”

“That’s selfish,” she muttered. He rubbed her back. It was selfish. He knew that she liked to communicate about things and that she probably needed to discuss them officially.. but in his mind, he could only imagine her breaking up with him before flying away to a new life. He had to hold off on it as long and as much as possible.

“I’m sorry, Baby,” he whispered.

“Not you’re not!” She fussed as they announced her plane boarding. She pulled away from the hug and shook her head, “I’m not prepared for this. I tried really hard, but you and I have unfinished business. How am I supposed to focus?”

“Just.. don’t worry about us. School is more important.” He winced as he said that. Truly, nothing was more important to him, but he had to say something to ease her mind, after drawing out their separation.

“Okay,” she said sadly. She grabbed the handle of her luggage and began to walk away, not turning her head from him. He seemed so cool and she’d thought he’d be the one blubbering today. Maybe she overthought her importance? He’d just said himself not to worry about them. But, what did he even MEAN by that? Don’t worry because we’ll endure and we’ll be fine, or don’t worry because he certainly won’t be because we’re done? See, THIS is why she kept trying to discuss this with him!!!

She waved and vanished through the door. Whenever she got on the plane, she was seated on the window with these redheaded twins next to her. She had to cross them and one helped her put her bag away. The one on the end kept trying to talk to her over his brother in the middle. She just wanted this trip over already.

Henry watched the plane leave and whenever he got back to the Man Cave, stood in the center of the room and announced, with such defeat, “Soooo… she's… gone.” He quickly retreated, wiping his eyes and the others just watched. Nobody wanted to bother him.

.

Charlotte adjusted quickly to her new surroundings. She and those twins were heading to the same campus, which she thought was bananas,but welcomed the possibility of new friends.

When she and Henry video chatted, she asked him if they could finally talk about the “crappy situation” they were in.

“Go for it,” he said.

“I wanted to tell you that I’m not going to be trying to do anything like what we’ve been doing with anyone else. I’m gonna be focused on school.. but I’ll understand if you have other options.”

Henry raised an eyebrow, “Is that you officially breaking up with me, or you extending a pass to cheat, which I never asked for?”

“It’s me extending the ball to your court. I’ve told you my intentions. That’s all that I can think to do for us.”

“Well,my intention was to have you be here and for us to be together. So, it doesn’t matter to me if you want to be together or apart, because we aren’t even together. I’m not interested in doing stuff with anybody else. But since you brought it up, maybe that’s what you want. You want to see other people?”

“I brought it up because I figured that’s what you would do. You did it to Chloe. You did it to Bianca. And NOW, you’re older and more accustomed to the physical fulfillment of a relationship…”

“Wow.”

“I’m trying to be realistic.”

“Well, you’re being hurtful and untrusting.” She held her head. “I don’t want to cause you any pain, Char. So, maybe… We can be together when we’re together and when we aren’t, we aren’t.”

“So, if I’m visiting, we play house, and if not, the mouse will play?”

“What is it that you want me to do? You’re the one who moved across the country!”

“The fact that I gave you months to discuss this with me and you avoided it only to attack me not that I’m too far away to come smack you is very small of you, Henry. I thought that we were better than this.” Someone knocked on her door and she sighed and said, “Hang on.”

“Hey… You okay? Sounded like you were fussing with someone,” Henry heard some dude asking.

“I’m fine. Thanks for checking on me. Where’s your twin? I never see you two apart.”

“He got placed in a different dorm, but at least I’ve got you here.”

“I gotta get back to my call.”

“Ok. If you need anything, I’m right next door and my door will always be open.”

“Cool. Thanks…”

She appeared again and Henry couldn’t help but wonder, “Who’s Mr. Nice Guy?”

“Met him on the plane and I guess we’re neighbors now,” she explained, as quietly as possible.

“He likes you. Is he.. Do you find him attractive?”

“To be honest, I hadn’t paid him much mind and furthermore, we’re not gonna be discussing other people with each other.”

“So, he is other people, then?”

She forced a smile and said, “If it’s gonna be like this, I don’t want any of it, Henry.”

“That’s best,” he said.

“That’s best for you?” She asked, her lip quivering.

“For you, I guess.” He shrugged and an alert sounded in the background. “I have to..”

“Yeah, go… Goodbye, Hen.”

“Bye, Char. You… you know that I’m still gonna love you, right?” She nodded, then disconnected the call before her tears started.

.

And she stuck by what she said. She didn’t date anybody. A semester passed, and she still hadn’t even gone out on the town. But, get studies were important. She did hang with the twins in her neighbor’s dorm when his roommate was out. It was cool to have a couple of dudes away from her dudes, though Jasper informed her to never refer to the twins as “her dudes,” in his presence.

Her first visit home, Henry managed to avoid her the entire winter break. She knew he was doing so and she knew he was perfectly fine because she felt his gosh dang pulse every night when she put on her ring before bed.

She visited the Man Cave and Ray didn’t even make fun of her. Instead, he complained about the new girl in the cave. She didn’t meet said new girl, whose name Ray couldn’t remember, but whenever she asked Jasper, he turned pale and pretended not to know of what girl she spoke…

She asked him to give Henry the ring back and let him know that for future visits, she wouldn’t be coming to the shop. (Not if that meant Henry avoiding her, or worse, seeing him there with her “replacement.”)

So, the next semester, she decided to try to relax a little bit and at least go on a date or two. That turned into an oddly satisfying, if not sorta odd polyamorous relationship with the twins. She’d never considered such a thing before, but now that she had, it definitely fulfilled her.

Though, whenever they wanted to bring in more, a few months later, she shrank back. Maybe in the future, but she was about to be a straight A sophom*ore and two boyfriends had been quite enough. They remained friends and she wished that Henry could have been half as mature as either of them.. but GIRL, Henry was a year ago. Let that ish go.

.

She came home for the summer and Piper begged her to hang out. She didn’t want to come to the house, but Piper swore, “Henry and Babe aren’t here.” Babe?

“Babe?”

“Yeah, that one girl. Can you believe that she comes to Swellview to see him and works as a temp in that stupid junk shop. She’s a video game maker… why even stoop to that level?”

“For a boy…” Charlotte said, heartbroken AF, but determined not to show it. “Okay. Well… we’ll have a sis slumber party.”

They were hanging out in the living room when Henry came in and froze, seeing Char there, with two French braids in a pair of pajamas on his couch. “Hey, Hen!” She said, trying to remain neutral. She failed. Her voice was high and her heart was beating so fast that she thought she might pass out.

Henry waved his fingers weakly, then the door opened behind him and he kicked it shut. They all heard Babe yelp, “Ouch!”

Charlotte’s eyes went wide as Henry opened the door and said, “Sorry. You gotta go.”

“What do you mean?”

“Can’t hang out tonight.” He shut the door and locked it, then rushed upstairs. Charlotte tried not to laugh. Piper got up, went to the door and said, “Awww. That was really mean of him to do to you. Just because Charlotte is in town, he can’t spend time with you? The nerve.”

“Charlotte’s here?”

“Yep. Spending the night. He didn’t tell you she was back? She’s here the whole summer!” Babe rushed off and Piper waved at her and shut the door again.

“Wow. You really played that up. Don’t like her?”

“She’s not you,” Piper said.

Charlotte was going to claim that things were over between her and Henry, but their reactions to seeing each other was enough for her to know that wasn’t true. However, she had to know what was up with her and Babe and as soon as Piper was asleep, she went to confront him about it. That resulted in the two of them “being together when we’re together,” because neither of them seemed able to control not touching each other, among other things.

Babe got on a plane that very night and Henry didn’t even know because he was wrapped around Charlotte when that text was sent.

Charlotte woke up in his bed. He was gone, but that pulse promise ring was back on her finger.

.

She didn’t come around him too much for her summer visit. She worried that she wouldn’t think straight if she did. Whenever she made it back to school, they went back to not talking after a summer of not being able to resist each other.

Perhaps next summer, she could take a break elsewhere. Her parents had tried to get her to take an overseas trip the summer before college, so she checked with them and they were definitely still in support of her doing so. So, another year passed, she went to Europe. Another passed, she went to Asia. Her senior year, she came home for Christmas and Henry was in NYC. She figured with Babe. She didn’t dwell on it. It wasn’t the first time he’d went to her. Anyway!

Post graduation, she knew she had to hunker down. She still needed her master’s degree and wasn’t sure yet how she was going to do it, but the time away from Henry was long and weird. She wondered how he was and texted him to ask.

Hen, it’s Charlotte. How are you?

The question tortured him. He was just strumming his tattoo and thinking about her moments before she texted. Dang universe must’ve nudged her.

Fine. And yourself?

Not fine. I miss you. I’m sorry…

He sighed and gave her a call. “Hey… now, when you say that you miss me… You mean like you miss that we used to be close and now we barely speak?”

“I mean everything. What happened? Why did it go down that way? What was so wrong with being together when we’re together?”

“We weren’t together enough…” they both held the phone. “Are you alone right now?”

“I’m always alone,” she said.

“No.. I meant are you single?”

“I usually am. Henry, in the past four years, I’ve had three boyfriends and both those relationships didn’t make it three months.”

“You said three, then you said both…”

“Long story. But.. you… I mean you were in NYC for Christmas. Were you there with Babe?”

He laughed, “What? No. We aren’t like that. I mean.. we’ve seen each other socially, but never seriously. I haven’t been able to have one serious relationship in all the years that you’ve been gone. I compare everyone to you. I miss you. I’ve said your name in my sleep with someone else lying next to me, apparently on several occasions.. I’m never getting over you. That’s just the truth. I was in New York to apply for a full hero status. Had to tell my parents that I was thinking of going to NYU.”

“Well??? Did you get it?”

He smiled, “Yeah. Your guy’s a full blown hero now.”

“I’m proud. Can we see each other when I come home?”

“Sure. I would have loved to see you more, but you were.. travelling.”

“Yeah, I was avoiding you. When I last saw you we kept going to bed together!”

“Okay? So, why’d you ask me what happened to us when you know that you ran from me?”

“I ran because I was afraid it was unhealthy. You’d already broken up with me and had started seeing Babe socially.”

“I still loved you and you knew that. I still do.”

“Well.. I'll… see you soon…”

“Not soon enough.”

So, I have a character who is a system, and I wanted to know before I develop them further, how does DID work, from a personal account? I really really really don't want to accidentally create yet another TOXIC misinterpretation of a real condition (because I know how horrible that can feel), and I hope I'm not saying anything wrong even now. (P.S. I love your blog, but I'm too shy to come off anon.)

hey anon!! it means a LOT to me that you sent this message :D theres a lot of really messy-bad potrayals of DID in the media so seeing people actually going to the effort of asking systems abt their experiences is really heartwarming for us. (plus the fact that ppl keep asking us in specific abt system stuff omg,,)

im gonna preface this by saying that, in the end, i can only really talk about my own experiences with full confidence. systems can work pretty differently from each other, but this is how we function and also some details ive noticed from system friends + general discussion over the years

so, to start off: Dissociative Identity Disorder is, at its core, your brain trying to respond to trauma in a pretty severe way. that being said there ARE systems that didnt experience severe trauma and still developed, and im not really sure about the mechanics behind that but i find it really cool and it totally exists. im gonna focus on trauma-based systems bc that’s our ~tragic backstory~ and also tends to be what most people opt for when creating system characters anyway, but the only real difference from what i can tell is, uh, a lack of trauma.

I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR ME TO SAY THE WORD “TRAUMA” A WHOLE LOT JFC

(system friends are welcome to reblog with corrections or added info!!)

anyway. the way your brain responds to things is really weird. if something happens where you’re just, like, completely unable to handle it, like you dissociate yourself so hard because there’s no way you can manage this, your brain has a chance of going “uh… well, f*ck, uh” and generating somebody who can manage it. or it might decide to be a dick and take all of the f*cky internalized garbage and turn it into a person whose sole existence is to be an asshole. (they have the potential to get better, i think… ours didnt.) honestly theres a bunch of reasons and a bunch of “roles” that could lead to an alter/headmate* forming.

* we use the terms interchangeably depending on mood and whos fronting. i think its supposed to be “alter” is DID, “headmate” is implication that theyre non-traumatic? we like using “headmate” because it brings this fun mental image of us being a bunch of roommates constantly starting sh*t with each other and goofing off which is pretty accurate about 75% of the time

i keep getting distracted bc my cat is here. this is gonna be fun to go back and edit.

whatever the original situation is, you’re suddenly not alone in your own brain. and it’s REALLY WEIRD. communication was VERY hard. Icarus, our system original, used to do a very “cliche” thing of sharing a journal with their early headmates, where theyd write a sentence and then theyd write a reply (although back then they didnt realize that was a system-related thing and just thought they were having a fun conversation with their ocs. which… they were, just. Actually Talking.) they didnt have any inward perception of themself or their headmates either, so that kinda built up over time (with some help) along with the appearance of our headspace so that there was… actually a location for people to interact in. once they had a better awareness of things, mental communication got a bit easier– its sort of like background chatter really, when everybody’s awake. sometimes i get weird out of context things from Mae yelling at somebody, or sometimes ill be talking to a friend and someone’ll butt in.

when talking out loud, this usually leads to us suddenly stopping and then laughing or going “no!!!”. when on discord and around people who know who we are… well.

speaking of Mae, she’s pretty much my sister. not like… biologically? because i don’t think thats possible for me, but shes kinda literally my “other half” which ill get into later. headmates can have strong attachments to other alters! friends, best friends, family, dating, whatever. they can also do that with people outside the system, and itll be different for each headmate. there’s like 4 people dating Jorb but i just see him as one of my best friends. we’re people and we have complex social interactions that can get to be kind of a nightmare when you’re around a bunch of people who don’t know that you’re Not Leo and that youre suddenly not super up to existing around people in general.

plus even if like… so Jorb’s dating 4 of us like i said, but his relationship w/ each of them is different? Ica is very clingy and likes rambling to him, Summer’s pretty much just always happy to hang out, Mae makes fun of him a lot but in a loving way, and Leo is… kinda “all of the above” because that’s his gimmick. plus even tho a few other alters have a sibling-ish relationship with Mae like i do, usually its just me and Mae that do the “chaos siblings” bit.

the basic system.. thing… is that there’s “front”, which is being in control of the body– so, like, i’m currently fronting/in front, because im the one currently active and using our computer and staring at our cat.– and then theres the headspace, where everybody hangs out when theyre not in front. the headspace itself can differ in style & functionality for each system, and i think theres some systems that dont really have a location at all? but for us its like a full on location where we have individual rooms, places to visit if we get bored while away from front, etc.

theres also like, being at/near/away from front? so currently im in front, but Leo is pretty much always lurking nearby if he’s awake (we have individual sleep schedules that dont always sync up to the “irl” one, Trust is almost always sleeping), Ica’s somewhat in the back talking to Rookie so i cant really make out what theyre saying (its probably about either a youtube thing they both like or about a comic they want to do), and everyone else is either asleep (in which case they could be nearby but i cant currently “ping” them, so id have to actually take a sec to ground myself in headspace more) or in a different room. communication is easier if im in front and somebody is nearby, or it can be like with Ica rn where im like “well, theyre talking, but i have no idea what theyre saying and am making a guess based off their usual interactions”, or i could pass off front to go talk to Ica and come back (in which case my memory would be kind of vague and weird because information doesnt always properly translate), oooor i could actually go bug them while still in front. which.. im not gonna do rn bc then id get super distracted.

switching front differs between systems a lot! and even varies from day to day. like there are days where we wake up and we have absolutely no idea who we are bc we went to bed as one person and woke up as another. or we could be talking to somebody and then realize “wait, i stopped being Leo a bit ago, who am i”. or we could pass off front to somebody, like if Summer really wanted to front sie’d run up to me and let me know and we’d swap. or if something critical happens (usually a breakdown), Leo or one of the other headmates that’re more built to handle stressful situations will literally drag somebody out of front to make sure they dont hurt themself. or sometimes we throw front at people unexpectedly, like either mid-breakdown where we go “okay i dont wanna be here anymore, tag youre it” or sometimes because we think its funny because its the metaphysical equivalent of getting clonked in the head with a dodgeball, except the dodgeball is “being in control of our shared physical form”. usually mae’s the one that does that lmao

there’s a couple major categories of how alters come about. there’s “walk-ins”, where they kinda just… appear externally? like they just show up. sometimes we get a feeling of “huh. i think somebody might be here? or somebody might be showing up soon.” and have to rummage around for a while until they approach us or we find them. our walk-ins aren’t like, inherently aware of system stuff at first, so they usually get a crash course before they first front (if they choose to front at all) and it can be kinda entertaining. Rookie’s a walk-in! also Hiro, from a couple years ago. most of our walk-ins are fictives (fictional characters, usually appearing in response to us getting extremely attached to something or somebody) but a couple of our trauma splits are also fictives so that’s not like, a Rule or anything. i think these are mostly associated with non-traumatic systems but we get em fairly often so man idk

theres also… uh, i dunno what theyre actually called? we used to call them “constructs” but that sounds kind of mean. these alters exist to fill a specific role! and we usually dont talk about them on here with the exception of one major one, they just kinda hang out. Dhe exists to keep the system stable and manages the “backend” so to speak. Imp is kind of a mix of our intrusive & impulsive thoughts that came about from us trying to separate ourself from them so that we had an imaginary entity to go “nope!” at, which… stopped being imaginary, and is now a gremlin that lives in my brain. they can show up in response to trauma but arent split off of somebody, they kinda just pop into existence to help manage things.

the more… well-known, i guess? alter origin is “trauma splits”. rather than “just showing up one day with no real connection to the system origins”, trauma splits are formed when somebody in-system, uh, splits. it could be in response to a single situation or something built up over a long time, but somebody just kinda breaks and somebody new that has a bit of the original alter’s identity (if kinda influenced by the situation) shows up.

this can vary. All is a trauma split off of Leo himself, who got saddled with all of our brain hell about our ex and their insystem appearance is influenced more by eir than by leo which is… something they struggle with. Mae has a trauma split from a similar situation that is “Mae but from 2 years ago”, so basically her old identity before she reworked herself after getting put through total hell. and then uh… then there’s me and Mae! Icarus quite literally exploded into several people, with Pat (me) and Mae being the most distinct ones. we’re STILL finding out alters used to originally be a part of them that later evolved into their own people, like Summer and Toby. my identity is shaped pretty heavily not just by who Ica was at time of splitting, but also what they wanted to be jumbled together with trying to rationalize what was happening to them (they’re a pretty big fan of megaman star force, which has a media-typical system in it, so they leaned into hard “its like pat and rey from mmsf! i like pat, i wouldnt mind being like pat, its scary but im like one of my current favourite characters” and so i ended up being like, half-weird shapeshifter, half-green-haired prettyboy. and yeah thats where my name comes from!)

(Ica got put back together w/o anybody needing to integrate, which we were all very scared about, and it’s still kind of surreal to me because… me and Mae used to be able to stick ourself back together and thats how we found out about what happened to Ica in the first place? and we havent tried that since bc we have no idea what would happen. Ica 2: Ica Harder?)

despite their origins, trauma splits can be way more than… being a split. :V;; Toby’s not just a tiny splinter of Ica, he’s a quiet guy that gets stressed out and isn’t totally sure how to interact with people. i’ve existed for like 7 years at minimum and im a totally different person than i was when i thought i was still Ica, ‘cause ive had time to grow and change (and a problem Ica keeps running into now that theyre back is… they kinda Didn’t change because they were MIA for 6 years.) like everything else though this is variable– there can be “temporary” splits that dont develop properly and might get integrated back in, which has only happened to us when we were at the lowest point in our life where we were stuck constantly splitting to try and cope with whatever the hell was going on.

so Ica was gone for 6 years, which meant our system was without an original or main– there wasn’t anybody to be head of the system, basically. for a while i was operating under the assumption that i was Ica, so i filled in that role for a few years before i made the realization. eventually i kinda… stopped being able to, though, bc of stability issues, and then we were back to not really having a proper main anymore. to make up for it, we started going by Leo collectively and kinda… trying to pretend to be a single person? and so that ended up creating a construct to fill the role of “system main and the person we pretend to be when passing as singlet/not a system”: Leo himself! he’s kinda the most prominent traits we all have in common rolled into a single guy, which means that not only is he a pretty good system representative but we can also pretend to be him pretty easily (unless it’s someone like Toby who acts totally different). i dont know how common this situation is, i think normally it’s just “if system original is gone, another alter steps up” like originally happened to us before i had a severe case of problems disorder.

uhhh this is very rambley bc there’s a Lot to cover and now im trying to figure out how much of it i HAVE covered. systems are complicated and weird! OH WAIT okay i have one last bit.

so like, for us, first realizing we were a system was total hell. we fought a lot. as more alters showed up through various means, there were times where Ica felt like they were completely out of control of their own life bc of having to manage everything. there were a lot of panic attacks of people fronting and not being sure they were even REAL, despite… being in front. but we still felt like we were deluding ourself. this was in, like, late 2011, so systems weren’t a THING. they were a very fringe community that everyone hated. we got constantly harassed, which only fed into Ica’s panic hell and our identity issues. interpersonal relationships became a nightmare, especially because we have BPD as well which varies in severity for each of us but… for me it’s pretty bad! there were times early on where every day was another fun new breakdown from us arguing with each other or our friends or not being understood or… etc.

so… how are we holding up ~7 and a half years later? pretty well, actually! we talk to each other. we do things for each other, like buy food or games we know specific headmates like. Ica is back and way happier than they were in 2011, and is thrilled to get to hang out with everybody that’s showed up since. we help each other through problems, because at the end of the day our system ended up being a support network. Ica couldnt function on their own, so we’re like… 10+ people working together to try and be a single functional person. and we feel pretty okay with that! we still fight, and we still start sh*t, but we’re not in constant crisis anymore. we’re still working through all of our trauma, especially the more “recent” stuff that kinda broke our system for a while until we were able to start rebuilding, but we’re doing it together. :D

so… yeah, it can start out as a stereotypical “nightmare system”, with constant infighting and toxicity and self-sabotage and etc. but we worked through it! it took a while, but we’re overall more stable than we were before. we got out of the bad environment that was f*cking us up, we got mental help for our other brain hell (we havent been able to bring up the system to our therapists bc its literally a non-issue now and we focus more on other things like our depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc), we found people that support us for being us, and we were able to like… figure things out. and it was a mess! i still have issues about my own identity because of literally thinking i was someone else for two years. Ica’s still trying to figure out how to adjust to things, especially bc they missed our entire “cringe culture” phase so they came back to find that i’d dismantled a lot of their middle-school settings. and, uh, some of their friendships as well.

systems are f*ckin weird